Hey Ladies! You know that this is more about you, right? We sure know how to pile on the hateration through our shady comments and head tilts. We plaster on fake smiles and half-hearted compliments and can hardly wait for the office door to close before we’re bashing our female counterparts. I have one serious question:
Why you mad though?
The usual response to this is “Honey, I’m not mad….” and then we go on to justify our catty, negative, slanderous behavior by throwing even more shade. I’ll share a few reasons we engage in this behavior as well as a few remedies to the little hater in you.
Reason #1: We believe that pointing out negative qualities in someone else will help us build connection and friendship with others. Yeah, this is like a thing. You know how one kid teases another so that the class will laugh and like him more? That’s what you’re doing as an adult.
Remedy: Try building connection based on genuinely complimenting others and engaging in positivity. These relationships are much more likely to result in meaningful and lasting bonds that empower and help you to grow.
Reason #2: We think that trashing another person increases our value. Ummm, that’s the same as thinking that tossing dirt on someone else actually cleanses you. Doesn’t make sense. Does it?
Remedy: Work on improving yourself, starting with your self esteem. The happiest and most fulfilled people don’t waste their energy focusing on pointing out negativity in others. If you don’t mesh well with someone, simply move on. You lose ground when you stop to point and sneer. Spend time improving your health, learning something new, and using your skills to improve the world around you.
Reason #3: You’re envious. The other person has qualities that we would like to have but we don’t believe we can have or possess those same qualities.
Remedy: Acknowledge what you admire in the other person and inquire about how they came to possess such qualities. You may discover that those qualities are well within your reach, or even have the other person reciprocate and point out equally admirable qualities in you. It’s a win, win!
Reason #4: You’re projecting. Those parts of you that you really don’t like and can’t own up to possessing……..you’re assigning those attributes to others. You know those religious fanatics who like to stand on Bourbon St. preaching to the heathens about their lustful eyes, well guess what those hypocrites are looking at. MmmmHmmm!
Remedy: Spend time to think alone, daily. Question your regular complaints and criticisms in others and determine if this is how you really feel about yourself. Next, give yourself permission to be imperfect and express gratitude for all of your strengths. The kinder you are to yourself, the less likely you are to be so critical of others.
If you feel like you could use some help in building your esteem and positivity, reach out to your local counselor or therapist. Psychology Today is a great resource for finding local therapists. If you’re in The Baton Rouge, LA area, reach out to me. I offer a free 10-minute consultation and would love to speak with you.
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